Welcome to DEV WATCH – your number one source for the world’s hardest hitting investigative journalism in video games. We’re dedicated to cracking open gaming’s biggest mysteries and exposing all the dirt they conceal. Who’s making what? Where are they making it? And why? Nothing will stop our fearless detectives from answering all these questions and more… in DEV WATCH.
Today on DEV WATCH: Typhoon Studios. What are they hiding? They CLAIM to be developing “something unique and wonderful,” but what’s REALLY going on behind their iron curtain of secrecy? Something’s being hidden from us and we, the gaming public, have a right to know what’s going on! Join us as we talk to the people nearest to these clandestine code-crunchers to get the real scoop.
* * *
Smoky Joe, local eccentric and noted lush, approached me while I was scoping out the Typhoon Offices. He insisted he had some highly valuable information to share with me.
DEV WATCH: Hey Joe. So, what is it that you wanted to tell me?
JOE: I heard from my best friend’s cousin’s clergyman that someone told him during confessional that Typhoon’s first game will be an open world taxidermy RPG. According to him, you must travel the world looking for rare and exotic roadkill and engage in the delicate art of skinning, stuffing and mounting your trophies. As you level your skills up, you’ll eventually take on the taxidermy masters at the International Taxidermy Cup in Vienna, Austria. It’s an emotional story of revenge, as you must avenge your father who died of shame after a humiliating competitive taxidermy defeat.
DEV WATCH: Wow. Sounds like Typhoon’s breaking new ground with this one!
JOE: Who?
DEV WATCH: Typhoon… Typhoon Studios.
JOE: What’s that?
DEV WATCH: The video game studio we were just talking about?
JOE: Eh? What are you blathering about? Who are you? Leave me alone.
After a little confusion, Smoky Joe was able to share this candid picture from Typhoon’s office
Pops Carlisle, a Montreal native, owns Pops’ One-Stop Popper Drop & Shop – a popcorn machine repair shop directly next door to Typhoon.
DEV WATCH: You share a wall with Typhoon. Have you heard anything unusual that might shed some light on their goings-on?
POPS: I once heard a booming voice command someone to “tighten up the graphics on level three.” Another time I heard multiple voices chanting “death to lootboxes.” This went on for four and a half hours.
DEV WATCH: Wow. Anything else?
POPS: There’s also the circus music.
DEV WATCH: Pardon?
POPS: Circus music. Loud, big-top circus music. On a loop, all day. Non-stop. One time I thought I heard them playing Despacito… but it was just more circus music.
DEV WATCH: I see…
Before his recent retirement, Douglas Jones worked in postal delivery for over thirty years. He serviced the area around Typhoon Studio’s headquarters.
DEV WATCH: During your time as a postal worker you regularly delivered to Typhoon, correct?
DOUGLAS: Yes sir, that is correct.
DEV WATCH: Was there anything noteworthy about the packages coming into their offices?
DOUGLAS: Well, one thing that always confused me was their weekly delivery of classroom skeletons.
DEV WATCH: You’re telling me they’d have a false skeleton delivered to them… every single week?
DOUGLAS: That’s right. Once a week, every week, they’d receive a replica of the human skeleton in the mail. The kind you’d see in a science classroom or maybe a chiropractor’s office. Every single week! I just… never understood it.
A raw and completely unedited picture of Typhoon’s dumpster
* * *
Well there you have it, gallant gamers. What any of this means, I have no idea, but it’s clear that something strange is going down behind the closed doors of Typhoon Studios. Whatever that may end up being, we here at DEV WATCH pledge to reveal the unrevealed, exposed the unexposed and elucidate the unelucidated. Stay tuned!